


Tell Me You Love Me

by goldensnitch18



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hogwarts Sixth Year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 14:50:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14547096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldensnitch18/pseuds/goldensnitch18
Summary: Sometimes, love isn't all that matters. Sometimes, love means letting go.





	Tell Me You Love Me

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Tell Me You Love Me, by Demi Lavato  
> This piece was part of the Sing Me A Rare B:Side OS Competition Spring/Summer 2018. I had a choice of song and I could choose my own pairing. All characters, spells, magical equipment and locations from the Harry Potter series belong to JK Rowling.
> 
> I'd like to thank my beta and alpha who will be unveiled at the end of this competition.

Tell Me You Love Me 

I. Summer

“I’m sorry.” They were the most meaningless words to grace the English language, but what else could he say? So, he said them, over and over, endlessly. 

Finally, on a warm summer night when he least expected it, she showed up. The bark from their old familiar tree dug into his back as he leaned against it, eyes closed, trying not to draw up the vivid details of his parents' most recent argument. He wished ... well, he shouldn’t think about doing those things, even if his father deserved them.

Lily would not approve, and he had to be better. He had to prove to her his choice had not been made, his way was whichever way let him be with her. A large sigh escaped his lips. His tension ebbed with his focused breathing until the soft stroke of fingertips against his chin jarred him into action. He had her wrist in his hand, his wand at her throat before he even realized who had touched him. He dropped both immediately, uttering those words again as quickly as he could. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” And, fuck, he was so sorry. Sorry for hurting her. Sorry for not being the person she wanted him to be. Sorry for not telling her ages ago he loved her.

“Sev,” she whispered. Her eyes were wide from the surprise of his reaction, but she moved closer, her knees curling beneath her as she touched his face again. “Sev, I want to believe you, but …”

And, somehow, somewhere inside of him, for the first time in his miserable life, Severus Snape found a brave moment, a moment where his give-a-damn had flickered from reality, leaving him sixteen and stupid and not knowing what his body would do next. He moved quickly, his face darting forward to hers, his hand moving to grip her hair, and he kissed her hard and eagerly, asking her for everything he had never been able to put into words.

Lily shuddered against him, her body shaking as she kissed him back. She responded with eager desperation, and he stumbled up to the brink of death then, almost dying from the shock of her wanting this, wanting him kissing her. He tasted her tears a moment before his skin registered the wet feeling of them against his face. He thought he might pull away, might try to talk to her, but when he tried, she merely wrapped her arms around his neck and climbed awkwardly onto his lap, kissing him harder.

The rest of the summer passed in a feverish blend of moments. She seemed to be intent on discovering every possible way they could kiss, and he would not complain about the endeavor. Even when he noticed her biting her lip and staring with the all too familiar pain in her eyes when she thought he wouldn’t notice. She remained scared she had been right, scared he couldn’t pull away from the Death Eaters, but he hadn’t been to see any of his friends over the summer. He hadn’t answered their letters. He hadn’t attended any of the ‘meetings’ he had been invited to. He had sent Avery and Mulciber away when they visited.

Two weeks before they were due to return to Hogwarts, Lily’s parents left for the night, and she snuck him into her room. She had asked him to stay the night. He said yes, of course, despite feeling a bit terrified of what it may mean. As long as he lived, he would never forget the moment he had been sitting on her bed, trying not to look awkward and wondering where to put his hands, when Lily had emerged from her bathroom.

She blushed furiously. He noticed this first. The flush grew heavy on her cheeks, but it also traveled down her neck to her breasts. And, her breasts. Fuck. They were pushed up somehow, some magic of the short dress she wore. But, it wasn’t really a dress, at least not one you would wear anywhere decent. The sheer material allowed him to see her skin beneath it, every bit of her skin, and he thought he might die at that moment. He shifted, his palm trying to be inconspicuous as he adjusted the situation developing in his trousers, but she laughed, a soft nervous laugh, and he laughed, too.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” she admitted.

Severus rose from the bed, his eyes traveling the length of her body again as he moved closer. “I think you’re trying to kill me,” he told her.

“No.” She laughed again. “I think you have to stay alive for what I had planned.”

He let out a horrible, embarrassing sound as he reached her. She kissed him, relieving him of the responsibility of replying to her statement with real worlds, words he could not speak even if he wanted to. She devoured him slowly with the kind of kiss which seemed to last an eternity, but he didn't mind it at all. He could kiss her for the rest of his life and it would still not be enough of her. It would never be enough.

He lifted her from the ground, and she wrapped her body around him as he moved them to her bed. They lay on the bed together, him falling into place over her as she began to roam his body with her hands. Very little of his skin remained which she had not tasted with her mouth. Her hands had even less unexplored territory to claim. This need to feel, to explore, to make each other feel good had been their driving force over the past days and weeks. It had been better than anything he had fantasized in his room late at night when his mind had always shifted to her. The reality of Lily feeling, touching, kissing, licking, biting … the sensations were more, just more.

And, now ... now she urged him to lift his shirt, her fingers gripping the cotton and shoving it up, exposing his lean body and his pale skin. He had no idea how she could want to see more of him, how she could want to touch him, want him to touch her. It honestly baffled him. She was pure perfection, and he fell short of every trait any sensible person would consider attractive. Despite this, her breath came quickly, and her eyes eagerly devoured his chest as it was exposed to her. He helped her to remove the shirt and looked down at her as she smiled up at him. Her hands rested gently against his skin and roamed, feeling him, sending intense waves of need directly between his legs.

Lily’s hands hovered at his trousers for a few hesitant moments, her eyes moving up to stare into his. He didn’t move. He didn’t speak. He couldn’t push her, but he wasn’t about to suggest they not do this thing he had been imagining for as long as he could remember. “Sev,” she whispered.

“Yes,” he whispered back. His voice shook as badly as her fingers.

“Tell me you love me.”

He was stunned. How could she not know? How could she have any doubts about how he felt? He moved, letting his weight fall to his side as he lay beside her. “Lily.” He reached out gently, his fingers shaking now as he touched her skin to move a stray lock of flaming hair from her face to behind her ear. “I love you more than anything in the world. I’ll always love you. I’ll never …” his voice broke. “I never stop loving you. Never.”

She nodded, turning on her side to meet his gaze head-on. “I love you, too,” she whispered. “Sev, I … I don’t want anyone but you. I … can’t lose you.”

“I’m right here.” He kissed her. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Promise me,” she demanded.

“I promise. I promise I’m not going anywhere. I promise I’ll always be here. Always.” He whispered the words feverishly into her mouth between kisses, and she began to pull at the button of his trousers, her desire reignited, her need overtaking her again. She shoved his trousers and pants down in the next minute, and he tried to control his body, trying to keep his cool as he helped her.

Once his clothing lay messily at the end of the bed, she pulled him back onto her, and he was made incredibly aware of how little remained between them. His cock, hard and pulsing, lined up perfectly with her silk knickers. Her sheer nightgown rubbed gently against his skin as they writhed, kissing desperately. One hand found its way onto her breast and pulled the cup of her nightgown down to reveal it fully. Severus took it in his mouth, sucking at her nipple, reveling in the feel of it beneath his tongue. She rocked her body up into him, moaning in response. She tried to pull the damn nightgown off, and as much as he wanted the layer gone, he hated that he had to release her breast to allow it. Once she tossed to the side, he stared down at her chest, breathing heavily, his eyes feasting on her. “Sev,” she moaned again, pressing her hips up into him. Her knickers remained, the final piece of clothing on either of them. He wanted to rip them. He wanted to tear them with his teeth. He wanted them fucking gone, but he drew on every ounce of common sense remaining to him and pushed them down with his hands instead.

“Oh, fuck,” he muttered as her core was exposed to him. He had buried his fingers inside of her before. In the heated moments of hidden obsession when they had devoured as much of each other as they could, he had reached under her skirt to feel her there, but never, not one time, had she been completely bare to him like this, open for him to see each treasured part of her body.

He moved a hand slowly up her leg and thigh, resting it at her sacred center, his heart raging in his chest, needing her so fucking bad. He pressed two fingers inside of her, and she rocked against them, soaking him with her need. He slid them in and out of her, and she clutched his shoulders. “Sev, just … I want …” He didn’t need her to tell him again. He removed his fingers quickly using them to position his cock at her entrance. He didn’t know what the hell he was doing. He would do something wrong. He was sure. He had heard it would hurt her, that this was just how it was, but nothing about this had seemed to hurt her yet, and it surely hadn’t hurt him. He tried to get a grip on his mind in the seconds he had before the head of his dick pressed at her entrance, but it was barely any time at all, and he pushed into her before he knew could really accomplish anything. He felt utter bliss at the sensation of her heat and moisture around him. The combination was the most incredible thing he had ever felt in his life. He could die now. Die and never regret it. Die and be perfectly happy. Die and this moment would overshadow all the pain and sorrow of his life so far. He stared into Lily’s eyes as he moved, watched her mouth open wide and listening to the way her moan changed as he shifted.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yes,” she rocked up into him, and he pushed deeper, which seemed to be good indeed. He still had no idea what the hell to do, but apparently, she didn’t mind. He began to move in a steady, but ungodly slow, rhythm. Each move so much better than his hand had ever fucking been, even with the addition of the few magic accommodations he had picked up in the Slytherin boys’ dorms over the years. She was everything. She was a goddess. She brought him to the brink of coming with each damn shift of her hips. 

“Sev,” she moaned his name, and he clenched the sheets as hard as he could, trying to last. “I love you so much.” He came, spilling inside of her, crying out as pleasure unlike anything he had experienced shook through him.

“I'm sorry,” he muttered when he had regained his sense, fully aware she hadn't been able to finish, and he had barely even tried to help her get there.

“We’ll just have to do it again,” she told him, grinning.

II. Winter

Every terrible thing endured had been for this. He had been earning each and every moment of her body touching his. Her flaming hair burned his fingers as he clutched it desperately, pulling her impossibly closer. Without them, the closet would already have been cramped, but she pushed him so hard against the stone that he honestly couldn’t be sure that they weren’t one person now, melded in all the places he certainly didn't deserve to be touch.

And the taste of her. How could words even begin to comprehend the delight of her tongue on his? Strawberries. They had eaten strawberries for dessert before rounds. Fuck, he felt sure he could taste the thick cream she had smothered them with. He hadn't been able to keep his eyes off her spoon. He didn't give a fuck if Potter had seen him staring, if he had earned an extra torture session with his stupid gang for watching her lick and bite at her damn cutlery, unaware what she did to him.

His cock ached against her. Not that it ever seemed to do anything else these days. She always put him in the most awkward of positions just by existing, just by letting him know what it felt like to have her touching him, have her taste on his lips.

Her hands were quick tonight, desperate as her moans swallowed his own embarrassing coos of desperation. Somehow, against the rules of all reality and magic, she removed their clothing without sacrificing their closeness. He let her, but he didn't help. This remained her responsibility in his eyes. He couldn't bring himself to initiate the removal of clothing. He couldn't bring himself to believe that she really wanted it, wanted him, unless she stripped him bare first.

Her teeth grazed his earlobe, and he pushed his hips forward against her, eliciting a guttural noise he had never heard from her before. “Severus,” she croaked. “Please …” Her knickers, bra, and skirt remained, as well as his undone belt and his trousers. She pushed him, demanding something of him he wasn't sure he could give yet. He hesitated, considering whether he should draw this out. 

She wasn't having it. She covered his hand with hers and brought his fingers under her skirt, under her knickers to feel the moist heat he had been craving since she had kissed him in the hallway outside the closet. “I want you.” She brought him closer, and he had no choice but to bury his fingers in her as she sighed in bliss. “I need you.” She whispered the words, but he heard them. It urged him on, driving him to rest his thumb at the sensitive spot she had spent several sessions coaching him on. She shuddered against him, her breath hitching in desperation. “Yesssssssss.” She hissed, dragging the sound out as she spoke it directly into his soul.

His free hand moved, daring to free himself, pulling his cock from his pants as his trousers fell freely to the floor. Lily whimpered, her cunt pushing against him. His fingers weren't what she wanted. He knew it, but it didn't make it easy to believe. How could she ever want him? How could she desire him inside of her? How could she need him to bring her to shuddering release?

He resituated, moving to press her back against the opposite wall. The space in the closet was so tight it barely required any movement at all. She pulled her arms around his neck as he lifted her, his hands beneath her thighs. He thought he might die. Every time this happened he thought, this time, this time my heart will give out.

She reached between them, gripping his length in her hand, and he shuddered, closing his eyes for a moment. She positioned him, and he shoved, hard. She cried out in pleasure, and he pulled back with his eyes closed, his entire being focused on feeling her, memorizing the sensations of her teeth against his skin, her nails digging in, her heat engulfing him.

“Severus, fuck …”

“Tell me …” he mumbled, and she laughed. He knew she thought it ridiculous he even needed the words after all this time, but she couldn't understand where the need came from. She likely never would. “Tell me,” he repeated.

“I love you, Sev. I love you so much.”

“I love you,” he told her, muttering the words into her shoulder, his eyes clenched tight as he moved in and out of her, clinging to the last threads of his control.

“Now, fuck me,” she told him quietly, and he obliged, shoved her harder against the wall, his hips picking up the pace, falling into a hard and steady rhythm. She moaned in his arms, growing louder and louder, her fingers digging deeper and deeper. Soon enough she fell into a chant, “Fuck, Sev, oh, yes, that, Merlin, fuck, fuck,” and he slipped closer to losing his grip, failing at control, failing to hold on until finally there was no more control, nothing left to hold onto, and he spilled into her, desperately filling her, coming with a shattered cry into her shoulder until she turned her head, claiming his lips again, kissing him hard as her fingers slid between them, spinning her clit with swift determined movements. He was half hard inside of her as she came, her walls seizing him, tempting his spent cock to rise again and play.

She would be the death of him yet, but it would be a glorious and welcome death.

III. Spring

He knew something was wrong the moment he saw her. Tears were falling freely down her face, and she held herself as if she might fall apart at any moment. His initial reaction was to wonder if he had done something to hurt her, but that wasn’t really possible. They had just returned from break. He had been with her just yesterday, lying beneath their tree on a tattered old blanket. She had read to him from one of her Muggle storybooks, and he had pretended not to enjoy it quite as much as he did. The next time he had seen her had been today on the train. She had been with her friends, but she had seemed fine. She had smiled over at him as he passed their compartment. 

“Lily …” he moved quickly across the abandoned classroom to her, and she simply cried harder the closer he came to her. By the time she fell into his arms, her sobs were uncontrollable. He let her cry. He didn't know what else to do. 

His second reaction was to wonder if Potter had done something. He wouldn’t hurt her, not intentionally anyway. As much as he hated the arrogant prat, he had to admit that about him. Despite this, Potter was an oblivious toerag who had no idea that he and Lily were together. He continued to irritate and pursue her, and this wouldn’t be the first time he had brought her to tears. 

A long time passed before she composed herself enough to pull back, wipe her face, and look at him. “Why?” she asked, and he began to go through the last day again, remember each interaction they had, trying to figure out what he did wrong. 

“Why what?” he replied, honestly confused. 

“I saw you … I saw you again! Last night with them,” she said, spitting the final word at him. Them. The Death Eaters. Fuck. Lucius and a few cronies had shown up at his house well after they had gone their separate ways for the night. He hadn’t even considered that she may have seen them. She was spending the night with her parents and a reluctant Petunia. 

You don't understand,” he told her. Lucius had been sent to remind Severus of the Dark Lord’s expectations. The Dark Lord wanted him. He had seen value in him where others had not. A year ago, Severus would have killed for this attention, but now … now it was the very last thing he wanted. “It isn't . .. I didn't want to …” Lucius had been very clear Severus would join them this summer, he could not avoid them any longer, he would help the Dark Lord. Severus would do this or Lucius himself would use Lily to show the rest of the world just how Mudbloods would fit into the new order of things once their Lord had risen to power. The only reason she hadn’t been hurt was because the Dark Lord wanted Severus to voluntarily join them. 

“Don't lie to me!” she snapped. “I'm not a child. I'm not here to be manipulated and lied to, Severus. You promised me. You promised you were done, you chose me. I believed you, I kept believing you, I tried so hard to believe you were leaving it behind, but you lied!” 

“I didn't,” he said, but his answer sounded inadequate even to his ears. She had caught him too many times over the past year as he tried to toe the line between the two parts of his life. Last summer when he had made the promise to her, he had been unable to predict the interest the Dark Lord had in him joining his followers. 

“You did! I've seen you. I tried … I tried to trust you, to think loving me was enough to keep you away from them, but … I'm not am I? I'm not enough?”

“Don't say that!” he demanded. He couldn't tell her the whole truth. She didn't deserve that hanging over her. He had gone back and forth, debating what to do. He knew that she started this out with her doubts about his allegiances, and it turned out they had been well placed. If it was up to him, if it was just his decision, he would have left it all behind that summer day she had found him under their tree. He would give up anything for her. He would do anything for her, even become a Death Eater. 

She would never understand. No one could understand what it was like to be in the Dark Lord’s sights unless they were there. He was a collector, just like Slughorn. Once he saw something in you that he wanted, there was no backing out, no changing your mind to be with the Muggleborn girl you had fallen in love with. Severus would be a Death Eater. He had accepted that. In all honesty, he had known all along. He had known that he wouldn’t be able to pull away, to chose her in the end. The two were mutually exclusive. Lily would never permit herself to build a life with a Death Eater. He would never permit himself to put her in that position. He loved her far too much for that. 

“Don't say the truth?” she screamed.

Severus reacted to her screams without thinking. He gripped her tightly, kissing her hard, not caring if he hurt her. She had to understand how he felt. If this was going to be the end, if he was going to finally summon the strength to let her go, she was going to have no doubts about his true allegiance. Nothing was more important than her, than this. 

She hurt him back, her nails digging into his skin as she kissed him with abandon, clinging to him. “You know you're everything. If I could … I wish … it was too late. I was too late,” he muttered against her mouth, and she let out another sob as he shoved her back against the board. She pulled at his trousers, her nimble fingers well versed in the art of freeing him, of sinking him deep inside of her.

“Tell me you love me,” she croaked, sounding more vulnerable than he could ever remember her to be. She gripped him in her hand, stroking him as he held her up against the wall, her legs around him.

“You know I love you,” he told her, and it burned him from the inside out, killing every single last part of him that ever imagined he could keep her. 

“Just say it again,” she begged, and he nearly stopped it, nearly backed away to set her down and talk this through, but he was too sure he needed to protect her from what the Death Eaters would do to her, from what danger he had put her in by being in love with her, by being happy when she had finally admitted she returned his feelings.

“I love you,” he said before another hard kiss. Let her have this. Let her think of him this way. Let her remember him before whatever atrocities he would soon commit. 

“Don't stop,” she told him. 

“I love you. I love you,” he whispered the words in her ear as they joined, as tears streamed down her face, as he accepted without a doubt that this would be the last time he held her, the last time he buried himself in her, the last time she shuddered in his arms, calling his name in ecstasy. Maybe it would be better this way. Maybe she would be safe this way. Maybe she would live a beautiful life away from him, away from the danger he had put her in. “I’m sorry.”

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive criticism is welcome.


End file.
